Mad World
by WhatIsThis
Summary: Zack Morris. That is me. Kelly Kapowski's boyfriend. Basketball and track star at Bayside High School. Screech Powers and AC Slater's right hand man. I'm up for anything with my cohorts, my 5 best friends. My life is awesome but why do I feel so empty?
1. Chapter 1

Don't know. don't own. Just some Saved By The Bell angst I had rolling around in my noggin. Enjoy! More chapters to come soon.

_Zack Morris. That is me. Kelly Kapowski's boyfriend. Basketball and track star at Bayside High School. Screech Powers and AC Slater's right hand man. I'm up for anything with my cohorts, my 5 best friends. My life is awesome but why do I feel so empty?_

Zack stared at his reflection in his bathroom mirror. It was almost time to head to the Max to meet up with the gang before school. There were circles under his eyes. He was tired and he looked it. He sighed as he ran his hands through his blonde hair trying to get it to do something. His arms felt so heavy and it wasn't working. He finally just combed it back and hoped no one would notice.

He shuffled out into his room looking for something to wear. He opened his drawers and sifted through khaki pants and light colored jeans. Nothing appealed to him. He fished a pair of baggy black sweatpants from the bottom draw and threw those on. He grabbed a long sleeved t-shirt and found a short sleeved one to go over it. He sat on his bed and put on his new favorite pair of shoes; Red converse sneakers. He stood up and gave himself the once over in the mirror. He didn't look like a preppy today. He felt more like a grungy rocker with his slightly greasy hair and red sneakers. He noticed how baggy everything looked on him. Oh well, he thought, grabbing his backpack and heading down the stairs to meet everyone at the Max.

Jessie Spano, AC Slater and Kelly Kapowski were sitting in a booth at the Max, drinking root beer and waiting for Zack. Kelly sighed, twirling her straw around in her glass. Zack was almost ten minutes late and counting. Jessie looked up and Slater followed her gaze to Kelly.

"What's wrong, Kelly?" She asked. Kelly sighed.

"I'm worried about Zack. He seems so sad and I don't know why. I ask him if he's okay and he just smiles and says yes but he's lost so much weight and every time I call it seems like his Mom says he's sleeping."

"I've noticed that too." Jessie said quietly. Usually Zack was the one with all the ideas and plans and lately, he just didn't want to do anything.

"Maybe we should try talking to him?" Slater said. Kelly looked down at her hands.

"I…" She started then paused. "I think he's depressed."

The three sat there in silence. It was obvious to them what was going on but they didn't know how what to do. They looked to the door as Zack walked in. They saw him give them a small smile and he walked over to them sliding into the booth next to Kelly.

"Where's Lisa and Screech?" Zack asked as he leaner toward Kelly and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"They left early for Christmas vacation." Slater told him. "Lisa's in Colorado skiing with her parents and Screech went to Maine to visit some uncle. Don't you remember Zack? They told us on Friday."

"Oh." Zack said shaking his head. "Yeah, I must've forgotten." Slater gave him a weird look eyeing his backpack.

"Why do you have your backpack, Preppy? You losing your mind? Today is the first day of vacation." Again he got a puzzled look from Zack.

"Right. Yeah, oh, I was testing you. You passed." Zack looked at his three friends who were all staring at him now. How could he have forgotten they didn't have school today? The days blended together. He hoped his mistake would soon be forgotten.

A waitress walked up to their table.

"You guys ready to order?" she asked, pen ready in hand. Kelly nodded her head and looked at Zack.

"Go ahead Zack." Zack put his hand up.

"Just a water please. I'm not hungry." Again he got three looks from his friends.

"Zack, you need to eat something. " Kelly told him. He just shrugged.

"Just water."

"But Zack-" Kelly started. Zack stood up, grabbing his backpack and speaking at the same time.

"I'm tired guys. Stayed up late last night playing Super Mario Brothers. Since it's vacation, I'm gonna go home and crash. Call me later okay?"

Zack didn't have the energy to deal with the questions. His mind was foggy and he just wanted to sleep. He turned to go when Slater grabbed him by the arm. Before Zack could process what was happening he winced. Slater noticed frowning.

"Preppy, can we talk a minute?" Zack nodded, trying to ignore the throbbing in his arm. Slater stood up and they walked outside. Once outside, Zack leaned up against the wall. He shivered a bit. It was cold that day and he wished he'd worn more than a long sleeved t-shirt.

"Zack, what's going on man?" He tried to avoid Slater's gaze but he knew he was staring at him.

"Nothing. Hey-" Slater cut him off.

"No, Seriously. You have us all worried. Why did you wince when I grabbed your arm?" Zack closed his eyes and sighed. Not now Slater, he thought, not now. It was so stupid and he didn't even know why he did it. He was crying. Crying. Of all things he thought he would never do. It was like once it started, he couldn't stop it. He felt so hollow and lost. Like nothing would ever be okay. He couldn't pin point when it all changed but he knew something had. It was then he saw the scissors. On an impulse he had grabbed them and dragged them across his forearm. If he couldn't stop the pain inside then maybe feeling pain on the outside would help. He had surprised himself. The hot pain stopped everything and he sat staring at blood dripping from a 4 inch cut. Then in shock he cleaned it up the best he could. That was 2 days ago. He couldn't stop thinking about it.

"Zack?" Slater said his name again. Zack opened his eyes. He saw the concerned look on his friends face. He didn't want to lie to his friend but he felt like he couldn't talk about this to anyone.

"Slater, I'm fine." Zack said, his voice breaking. Oh my God, Zack thought. Not now. Don't cry. Not in front of Slater. Zack could feel his eyes welling up. He blinked hard trying to get the sting to go away but a few drops fell. He couldn't look at Slater. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay. Please, I'm your friend." Zack shrugged the hand off.

"I gotta go." Zack put his hands into his pocket and left Slater standing there. Slater felt confused and worried, something was seriously wrong with Zack and he couldn't shake the bad feeling he got in the pit of his stomach. He sighed and walked back inside the Max.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2. Enjoy! :)

* * *

Slater slid into the booth next to Jessie with a solemn expression on his face. He looked at Jessie then at Kelly.

"Something is seriously wrong with Zack. He was pretty much crying," Jessie shook her head.

"Was it just me or did he wince when you grabbed his arm?" Slater nodded his head.

"Yeah, he winced." This time it was Kelly who spoke.

"We need to do something. I can't watch Zack be like this anymore. Meet me at my house in an hour. We are doing an intervention today." The three looked at each other and knew that it had to happen today.

* * *

Zack opened the front door to his house. His keys echoes in the empty foyer and the sound of the door shutting sounded loud in the empty space. His mom was gone on a business trip until Christmas Eve and his Dad wouldn't be home until late. He had the house to himself.

He walked up the steps to his bedroom and threw his backpack on the floor. He felt so tired. He sat on his bed and felt his eyes wandering to his arm. He pulled up the sleeve of his shirt and stared at the red mark. It was slightly bruised, swollen and red. It's probably infected he thought to himself. Oh well, it'll go away he reasoned.

He grabbed the remote to his radio system and leaned back against his pillows idly listening to the music. His thoughts drifted to the past couple of weeks.

"You're a screw up, Son." He heard his Dad's voice in his head. He closed his eyes hard trying to forget the harsh words but he couldn't. "You're never going to amount to anything!"

"Why are you so difficult, Zack?" Now it was his Mother's voice in his head. He saw her disappointed face behind his eyelids.

"Zack, you are a thorn in my side." Even Mr. Belding was popping into his thoughts. Zack shoved the palms of his hands into his eyes and he could feel himself on the verge of tears again. He didn't want to be a screw up or a thorn but somehow it always happened. He felt like he just couldn't do anything right no matter how hard he tried.

He sat up, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He didn't want to think about anything anymore but all the thoughts kept running through his mind like a broken record. He stood up and paced around his room. He turned the music up loader to try and drown out all his thoughts and worries.

Zack started jumping around his room, singing at the top of his lungs. One of his favorite songs had come on the radio and he sang along as if his life depended on it.

_So I walk up on high and I step to the edge_

_To see the world below_

_And I laugh to myself while the tears roll down_

_Cause it's the world that I know. The world that I know._

He spun around, catching a glimpse of himself in his mirror. He stopped and stared for a moment. Every negative thought was coming back to him as the music faded out in the background. Without thinking he punched his reflection in the mirror as hard as he could and the sound of shattering glass rang in his ears. His hand burned from pain and now when he looked in the mirror he only saw a giant spider web of glass that distorted his face into tiny shapes.

The sound of footsteps coming up the stairs tore him away from his thoughts.

"Zack?!" Zack's legs felt numb and a cold chills hit him making him shiver. "Zack?"

The door opened and Zack watched as his father entered the room. Zack stared blankly at him while he watched his Dad look from the shattered mirror to Zack's bloodied hand.

"What the hell happened?" his Dad asked him, stepping over some broken remains of the mirror and grabbing his son's arm, bringing his hand closer to look at it. Zack winced. There were at least a couple of gashed that looked like they needed stitches and the blood was running down his hand saturating the cuff of his long sleeved shirt. Zack looked up at his Dad.

"I don't know." He said, trying not to make eye contact. His Dad sighed.

"You don't know? It looks like you punched your mirror. What is wrong with you Zack?" Zack could hear the annoyance in his voice. Guilt began to wash over him settling into his stomach. His Dad was right, what was wrong with him?

"Get an old towel out of the linen closet and get in the car. Your hand needs stitches. I really don't have time for this. You need to start using your head. I came home to grab some papers and now I'm dealing with this? You're seventeen, Zack. Start acting like it."

Zack hung his head, starting to walk past his Dad to grab a towel.

"I'm sorry, Dad." He said quietly.

"Sorry is not going to fix the mirror and get me the time back that I'm wasting dealing with this crap. Now hurry up."

* * *

Kelly, Slater and Jessie were sitting in Kelly's bedroom. Talking about how they were going to approach Zack.

"I think we should just go to his house, see if he's there and just talk. " Kelly said. Slater nodded his head in agreement.

"I think that will be best. We don't want to push him away." Jessie was quiet a moment before speaking.

"Why do you think he winced when you grabbed his arm?" She asked quietly. "Do you think he's being abused?"

"I don't know. I mean his old man's kind of hard on him but I don't think he would ever hit Zack. His Mom's not home enough for me to see that happening." Slater said, trying to rationalize why his friend has winced so badly when he grabbed for him. Kelly spoke again.

"I don't think its abuse. All I know is that we need to get him to agree to see someone about whatever he's going through. We need to let him know we care and we're here for him. Right now, that is most important. Agreed?"

"Agreed." They said in unison.

* * *

Zack was home after a 2 hour debacle at the emergency room. Between his Dad yelling his cellphone and the doctor asking him a million questions, he was exhausted. He had gotten 12 stitches for the 2 cuts on his hand and a bottle of painkillers as a consolation prize. His Dad dropped him off at home barely stopping the car to let him out while yelling that he would be home late and to make sure he cleaned up the mess he made. So Zack was alone yet again.

Instead of going to his room, he sat on the couch in the living room. He set the prescription on the coffee table and stared at it. 30 pills. He wondered idly if that would be enough. He felt like this could be his chance to make sure he did one thing right and put everyone out of their misery. He didn't want to be a joke.

He stood up and walked into his bathroom. He found a bottle of Tylenol and another bottle of some anxiety medicine his mother sometimes used called Xanax. He figured this would be enough. No pain and no worries. He was feeling calmer already.

He brought his items to the coffee table and stopped in the kitchen to find a notepad and pen. He scribbled down some words and threw in on the coffee table. He got up one last time to grab a glass of water.

Zack set the water on the table and opened the first bottle dumping everything onto the table. He did the same with the next 2 bottles until he counted about 68 pills altogether.

"68 sound better" Zack said out loud quietly. He picked up the first pill and put it into his mouth. He took a sip of water and swallowed it. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. It will be over soon he thought. Then he grabbed a handful of pills and a gulp of water. Four handfuls later the pills and water were gone.

Zack grabbed a pillow from the couch and curled himself into a ball. His head was starting to feel fuzzy and he felt kind of nauseous. He could feel his heart pounding and there was a ringing sensation in his ears. He closed his eyes and laid his head on the pillow hoping the end was near.

* * *

Kelly, Slater and Jessie were standing on the front stoop of Zack's house ringing the doorbell.

"Maybe he's not home." Jessie said her eyes darting nervously to the door handle then back at Kelly and Slater.

"No, I think he is. I have a feeling." Kelly said, knocking loudly instead of ringing the doorbell.

"Zack!" Slater yelled "Hey man, are you home?"

"Hang on." Kelly said, making a small sprint to the bushes by the Morris's front window. Slater and Jessie gave her a weird look. "There's a key in the flower pot over here." She explained, digging her hand into the soil in a flowerless flower pot behind the bush. "Got it!" She yelled, brushed the dirt from the key as she ran back to the front door.

Kelly put the key in the door and unlocked it, opening it slowly. All three entered Zack's house quietly and Jessie shut the door behind them.

"Zack?" Kelly called into the house. She heard a faint moan. "Did you hear that?" She asked turning to the other two. They both nodded their heads. Then they heard another moan and a gag, and turned around to the entrance to the living room. Slater got there first.

His eyes opened wide when he saw Zack sprawled out on the couch. He was pale and sweating and he thrown up on the floor next the couch. He ran over to him.

"Zack? What happened? Are you okay? Someone call an ambulance!" He watched Kelly turn and run to the kitchen to grab a phone. Slater tapped Zack's cheeks trying to keep him awake. Zack could barely opened his eyes and let out another soft moan.

"Come on Zack. Stay with me preppy. You need to stay awake." Slater's voice was frantic. His friend did not look good at all. He heard Jessie say his name. He turned to her.

"Slater, look." She said, her voice shaking. She was holding up 3 empty pill bottles and notepad. Slater turned to Zack even more frantic.

"Zack, what did you do?" He could see Zack was struggling for a breath and his skin was growing clammy. "Just hang on Zack okay? Hang on."

Kelly ran back into the living room.

"An ambulance is on the way." She said, he voice breaking. She ran to Zack putting her lips to his forehead. "Please hang on Zack. You didn't need to do this. I love you."

It felt like forever before they heard sirens and the three stood back and watched as paramedics loaded Zack onto a stretcher and hurried him to the ambulance. They only hoped it was not too late.


End file.
